Sneeze Box

I'm not feeling well today. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and runny nose. All I've done is sneeze all morning long. I seriously could go to sleep sitting straight up at my desk. My nose is raw from wiping it and my eyes are almost swollen shut. Snot just pours outta my nose. I want to stab customers in the eye with a pen and I want to say bad words to them. I hope I don't have the pig flu. Knowing my luck, there is a possibility.

I hope I feel better before the weekend. Who wants to be sick during Memorial Day weekend?

Chest Pains

Have you ever loved someone so much your heart hurts?

That's the way I feel about P. The thought of him still to this day gives me butterflies and we have been together for two years. I love the way he smells when he comes home from work. The scent of his cologne and his sweat, I want to bottle it up. When he is gone, I sleep with one of his dirty shirts. I love that he has good hygiene. He keeps himself clean, shaven, clipped and cut. I love that he loves to watch TV with me. I love it that he knows the exact date and place where we had our first kiss. I love that he will cuddle with me and hug me for as long as I want. I love that he loves to social like me and go places. I love that he makes me laugh and sometimes cry. I love that I can't imagine not being with him. I love that it makes me have chest pains to think about something happening to him. I love that I can look at him and melt inside.

I only hope that everyone on this planet gets to feel what I feel for him at least once in their lifetime. It makes me happy to be alive.

I LOVE HIM!

Shakin But Not Stirred

It's been several weeks since my last surgery and I'm feeling much, much better. I'm thinking I've almost got my mojo back. My hair is in an actual hair style, my skin is clear, and you can almost tell I was never even sick. I've gained several pounds, well it's more than several. It's more like 20. I read these other blogs about women that stop taking the monthly five year medicine because of weight gain. I don't understand that. I would rather be fat than have cancer again. I do have this sudden urge to run though. Like run like Forrest Gump did. Put my tennis shoes on and run.

I am beginning to find my new self. A person I never was before I had cancer. I find my tolerance level for people and their bullshit to be very low, even within my family. I definitely cannot tolerate it with the public. I also find that I am more generous, I have more sympathy for people and their problems. I do however find it hard to talk to surviors that still want to talk about being sick when they have been cancer free for 12 years. I can't understand why they want to still wallow in it like a pig in shit. I guess that is something else I will never understand.

I also wear really big earrings now. Something that I would have never done before. I'm wearing sundresses and low cut shirts that were never really filled out right before. Now, I have real boobs and I LOVE them to death. I can't wait to buy a new swimsuit this year even though I'm gonna wear three sizes bigger, I just want to see how well the top will fit.

Mini-Me has been playing softball this Spring and I LOVE to watch the games. I'm sad that they will be ending soon.

I haven't been very good about keeping up with my blog, but I haven't really felt like it. So, here's a run down of recent events:

1. Got a new kitten

2. Got to turn the fountain downtown pink

3. Got to shoot the gun at the starting line for the Joy to Life Walk

4. Had a mouse problem at home (reason for getting the kitten)

5. Planted a 30 x 30 garden with 20 different veggies

6. Started back to work

7. Have fallen even more in love with P

8. Started monogramming items

9. Tried to be nice to my original father

10. Looking to buy a new house.

New Post-Old Event Part II

I went for my pre-op yesterday, March 25,2009, for my second surgery. They stuck my arm twice. My surgery is scheduled for April 1, 2009. One year to the day that I was diagnosed. I can't believe it. It does not seem like one year ago I was starting chemo and was about to have a total life change. I am a changed person. My memory is shot and so it my body. My neck, knees, shoulders and ankels hurt all the time. I struggle day to day to keep up with my daily routine. It's hard working my job. I stay tired all the time. My body feels run down, like I've been through hell...I mean, I have. My tolerance for people and situations is about zero. My horomones are still raging and I am up and happy one day and down in the dumps the next. I weigh 182 pounds. I'm miserable in my clothes, everything is too tight. I eat everything in sight and can't eat enough. I only hope that this will soon pass.

This next surgery will be to replace the expanders with the real silicone implants. I am also having my tubes tied which means no more babies for me. B-Money is having another baby, a boy, in July. AV calls him Angus. Makes me laugh. The chemo fried my ovaries and Dr. Davidson does not know if I will come out of menopause and if I do, when. Just so I will not have to deal with birth control issues anymore, I am having my tubes tied.

After the surgery, I will be staying at Mudder's for a while until I get better. I am gonna miss being at home with P.

New Post-Old Event

B threw me a kickass birthday party at my house. We had a giant candy buffet and lots of good food. There were about 25 people there. We had a bonfire and a keg. It was fun times. I really enjoyed the evening. I saw some people that I haven't seen in a long time. Turning 35 hasn't seemed to phase me yet. I hope this next year will be a good one : )