I sat at my desk yesterday and begged for a sign. A sign to let me know I was doing the right thing. I got my sign. Yesterday. Around 6. Wasn't the sign I was wishing for, but it was a sign. I wanted to throw myself down and scream at the top of my lungs, but his dog accidentally peed on my dog. Tough break for a dog who's only 2 inches off the ground. I had to go inside and give her a bath.
Now, I need to figure out where to go from here. I've lost myself during the past seven months. I don't know who I am anymore. I. am. lost. I don't know that I've ever been this lost before. I've gone through a divorce and two bad breakups and I don't remember feeling this disconnected from everything around me. I want my heart to heal and my head to stop pounding. I want to stop over analyzing everything and stop thinking about it period. I want to be able to sleep. Awwww....sleep, how I've missed you so. I want to be able to drive down the street and not look at cars that are the same color and think it may be you. I hate it when I do that. I hate that you've made me lost. I hate that I fell in love with you. I hate that I still love you.
How does one find themselves after they discovered they are lost? Do you join a gym and workout all of your frustrations? Do you change your hairstyle to make yourself look different even though you're eaten up inside? Do you try and shop out your misery? Do you try to pretend that you're not looking for him when you're walking your dog? Do you take up crazy ass hobbies like scrapbooking to try to pass the time? GRRRRRR......what is the answer to this question?
Time is the answer. Soon enough I will forget him. I will move on like the tumbleweed that I am. I will find someone else that gives me that hot and bothered feeling. Someone that I want to talk to every waking minute. Someone who adores me. Only this time, I will hold my heart close to me until just the right time. I will wait for the sign.
