Have you ever just wanted some peace and quite? I mean, is it too much to ask for? Does the dog always have to bark, do the kiddies always have to scream and yell, does the phone have to ring off the hook?
Today is one of those days. This morning, I got mad because I had to get up and take Mini Me to church. How terrible is that? How guilty did I feel at about 11:00 this morning as we were singing in church? I have a low tolerance for anything really these days. Everything seems to piss me off or put me in a bad mood. It could be the fact that I'm 34 and in menopause. My hormones are so jacked up right now that sometimes, I want to jab people in the eye with a sharp object. I want to go somewhere and just sleep....for a day. A day without that damn dog barking (btw, he's barking right now as I type this). Sometimes, I wish he would run away, far away. I wish he would Houdini his way out of his collar and off his lead and run into the forest.I know the neighbors can not possibly like the dog. They probably wish him gone like I do.
Mini Me is the most precious child I know and some days, she grates on my nerves. I know she can feel the tension. I hate that she has to deal with that. I hate that some days I am a total butthead.
I'm also very disgusted with myself and my weight. I have gain more or less 25 pounds within the last nine months. Part to due with my new medication, part due to my hormones, part due to my poor eating habits, part due to me not sleeping...I mean, I could go on and on. I have got to start walking or doing something to get some of this weight off. I went shopping today with Mudder and tried on a size 12 pant. They didn't fit. I refuse, and I totally mean refuse, to purchase a size 14. I'd rather walk around and continue doing the button/rubber band trick than buy a size 14. I know, I know, there's nothing wrong with a size 14 but, it is wrong with me.
My moods swings are also terrible. One day I'm happy, the next day I'm not. Yesterday, I threw a plastic candy cane at P. Who does that? I haven't been myself for a while now. I often wonder if this is the new me. If so, I don't like the new me. I want the old me back. I want the happy, non-violent, animal lover who could eat cookies in the middle of the night and still fit into her size 8 pants.
